How Indonesian TV Shows Melt Your Eyeballs

Back to my mission to save the humanity from morality harassment and intellectual degradation of accursed Indonesian TV Shows *spectators' cheers from distance*

Behold the types of Indonesian TV shows :

Sinetron

Sinetron, come from words "Sinema Elektronik" which means Electronic Cinema, is a show that has been shown to, watched, and literally enjoyed by below average Indonesians, it is equivalent to Soap Opera in US, Dorama in Japan , or Telenovela in Spain.

There are types of Sinetrons, such as:

Complicated Love Stories

The story almost like movie's teenage love story, but the difference is how much obstacle the main character have to face, as usual we start from a gloomy-desolate-abused girl as main protagonist and we will make her as sad as possible but still logical to average Indonesians that we make her came from a very poor family and will make her walk through car showroom wearing garbage bag, then let her get scolded and expelled for how horrible and filthy she is. Yeah, we love showing the huge social-economical difference. Then came the main actor, who is (or in the end will be) awesome-marvelous-gorgeous-handsome-smart-romantic-sensitive-caring-super rich guy who 'was' totally out of her league. 

The title of the Sinetron usually taken from the main character's name, none other than the girl, e.g. Jelita(pretty), Kasih(affection), Suci(holy), Mutiara(pearl), so these titles could have 2 meaning, the literal meaning, and the name of main protagonist, creative huh? 

The story starts by showing how miserable the girl is, how awfully poor she is, how she could be so helpless and cry a lot that will make you hate her so much instead of feeling sorry, then the guy came, with all his majestic charming charisma, with the best ride the producer can afford. Then the two 'coincidentally' meet each other and feel the sensational attraction to each other that not long after that, they meet again, start knowing each other, fell in love, living inside happy love bubbles that it feels like the world just belong to those two.

From there, the director would tweak the story to be more outrageous interesting by adding antagonist, which is most likely to be the malevolent cunning mother of the guy, who would totally oppose their relationship, the mother would do everything to ruin her relationship, from words into physical contacts. From this point, the girl's duty is to show the audience how powerless she is and squeeze out her tears. Before she could solve her problems, the director would add more antagonists, such as: rich bitchy female friend of the guy, who has a big crush on him and loved by mom; evil uncle; annoying housemaid; the slutty girls gang lead by the guy's female friend; nasty stepmom and stepdad; random bullies. C-C-C-COMBO FINISH!!

The Sinetron antagonists will always do a lot of "whispering" in their heads thinking the next evil plan to ruin the relationship while the camera zoom their face, maybe it's some kinda image training to increase the effectiveness and success rate of the plan.

But true love always win, somehow she could handle it, don't care it's about how patient she is, or the appearance of angelic spiritual guidance in 15th episode whatsoever. The guy eventually would choose her over his family, friends, siblings to show what true love is, and the long story will have a happy ending. 

Religion and Curses

The religious Sinetron is popular in 2007, this sinetron is like one-shot where the episodes didn't connect each other. So they have to prepare a stock of lots of characters to take a role in each episodes, or at least didn't do repetition that the audience would recognize. 

I didn't mean to mock or despise a certain religion, I'm truly sorry if there's any readers offended.

The main idea should be about religion, Indonesians mostly are moslem, so the sinetron show us the moslem worship and moslem education. How people living their lives with what they believe in and the way they keep the sacred habit of their religion such as prayers, fasting, etc.

But, what they show in the sinetron is the result for being not abide to their religion and doing bad stuffs, which is fake and ridiculous that make people retch very terrifying.

Example: There's a woman who believes in faith, she has a son, which is awful and bad, he lies, cheats, being rude, kills people, and do a lot of other bad stuffs. At the point his mom could not stand it anymore, she prayed for God to punish her son, and suddenly a roaring mighty thunderbolt strike him to death, he's nothing but black-gooey-thingy.

I suppose the show is meant to be educational, but what they're doing is just scaring people, they give the antagonists a horrible death that people won't give shit about it couldn't imagine how 'coincidental' it is. Anyway, beside thunderbolts (it's one of favorite cause it's the most logical and possible to happen) there's a lot more, which is I don't exactly remember. Maybe: Curse of rotten body parts, Curse of bleeding eyeballs, Curse of fire-coming-from-nowhere burn you into ashes, Curse of fake-and-low-budget-3D-bees swarm which looks like flies, and many more.

Combat

I don't know what I should call this type of sinetron. The title of this sinetron (and of course the main character him/herself) is taken from the name of heroes/fighters in folklore. The plot of the story supposed to run according to the tale, but because the directors are puny but greedy creative, the story goes way complicated and cheesy. They add characters which didn't belong to the tale, prolong the story, and create new enemies. These "enemies" are the problem I'm discussing.

It would make sense if the main protagonist fight the main antagonist, won the battle, bring back peace, and the story ends, right? Wrong! We won't let it slip that fast, we will make the battle wayyyyyyy outrageous by make the main protagonist which is a human being, fight a dragon...repeat, dragon... Hell yeah, Bloody Mother Fucking DRAGON! I dunno whether the dragon made using Ms.Paint or Flash, it is so bad that you probably rather stab a fork into your eyeballs and eat them than watch the poor visual effect. You will see how freakin' cheesy the dragon is, it flies with weird movement, the coloring is bad, the texture is nasty, and the lighting always wrong. Oh yeah, do you like Alvin and The Chipmunks? You do? We also do! The difference is, you make a furball talks, we make a dragon talks! Isn't that awesome? 

It is the same to the main character, who supposed to make shame of himself and sacrifice his self esteem fight the dragon, it isn't fair if the dragon is the only one who could fly, he could fly too, by using his jump and control the gravity that he could pummel the dragon 5 minutes in the air before touch back ground. Oh and 1 more annoying thing, ALL the characters in that show are dubbed, I can't figure the reason why, but it's always like that, so all the characters have the same voice level and it's echoing all over, makes me hate the show even more.


Musical

This Sinetron is similar to Bollywood's (I don't know what it's called). The typical of lovey dovey guy and girl, running and singing a song. But the Indonesian version is worse. Maybe it's because the Bollywood version is just singing random words I can't hear but I could completely understand the Indonesian version, which is Kampungan (this is an adjective we use to describe something below average, weird, cheesy, and not up to date).

The show is exactly the same with Indians', we have a pair couple, we make them fell in love, then we make them flirt, chasing each other, and singing a song of disgrace. If you know the Bollywood's, you should know the habit of running all over seashore, singing with dubbed voice, typical fighting scene, hiding obviously behind thin palm tree while peeking and winking, a gang of back singer/dancer coming from nowhere, and the woman always have a high pitch eardrum-damage voice. We do that too, in addition plus scrubby slow-mo and disturbing zoom in and out to the character's face.


Reality Show

Indonesian have this ability to make a reality show fake but people think "this is reality show, it must be real!" as moving and touching as possible.

Love and Dating

There is one show that help us to determine whether our partner (always mostly a guy) is a sly cheater or not, we just have to contact the person responsible for running the show and request them to make the mess, then we (the requester) just have to sit down spy your own partner being punk'd. They will prepare one person, which is obviously hotter and more attractive than the requester, to flirt with the victim (requester's date), and see if he will fall for the trap which he don't know is a trap or stay being a good boy and maintain the relationship while a big fat chance provided.

Try think about this, you have a cat, you feed it with dry food (does cats eat dryfood? I don't care) a whole year. One day you came with a big-healthy-juicy-tempting salmon and expect your cat to not eat it and stay with its old boring plain drain food. How is that possible? So this show's success rate must be high, if you're not a very attractive, or filthy rich, or literally possess your date, don't ask the question that you know the answer, which is torture-yourself-watching-your-mate-abandon-you-and-screaming-lunatically-at-him-then-being-shown-on-TV

Social and Economy Exposure

This is the show where Indonesians despise economical condition of minor civilian and exploit them on wide screen while laugh in background full of satisfaction put their concern on low economical minority by showing in public the life of poor people. They record the life of the person, show us how difficult his/her life, how horrible their house, how nasty their foods, how people (read: bunch of low-paycheck asses playing role of abusing them to make us feel sorry for them even more) treat them badly. There are plenty shows using this same formula, which I will just mention the ones I remember:

• House MakeOver: here they give the person with most wrecked house in the area to have their house from pitiful-debris into Indonesian-standard-happy-family-house.
• Faking: there are 2 types of faking they do, they can ask the crew to play the role, the crew asking people for help and the ones who help the crew will get a reward; or having a sallow hopeless face of some random poor kid/woman (which looks so powerless) to asking people some help which is selling worthless junks in unlogistic price and making excuse such as "my mom is sick" while recorded and during the record, there will be unbelievable amount of people abuse and make fun of them soooo bad that I think they abuse them and get paid, and of course wide screen appearance as bonus payment. 
• Surprise Money: we give the money and require them to spent as much as he/she can. By giving a person 10 million rupiahs (about 1 grand) we can watch them in 30 minutes running all over the city buying stuffs and exhausted to the utmost (YAY~).

Take Him Out

I make this as one subtopic because I hate it! I hate it very very much! This show is imitated from one show out there which has a similar name (I don't know exactly but I'm sure there is) and I doubt Indonesian asked the permission to make this show, well, whatever.

This show helps people to find his/her mate by let a girl whored up to the max show up and a bunch of desperate for getting laid guys will first press the button to choose whether or not this girl fulfill his standard, in other words decide if this girl is pretty enough or just a bag of poop. But sometimes when the girl is hideous, we get the feeling to make her less pathetic, and this is what cause the next disaster.

A guy would choose to stay just one first round intending to back off for the very next round, but it's not the same with the other guys who chose not to risk their futures by staying out of the competitors list in the first go. So then the "Mr. Nice Guy" would remain alone in the darkness with the beast girl. Then he only got 2 choices between accept her and screw his life or reject her and screw both the girl and the entire show. 

The funny part I am about to tell is the 'smart' reasons they tell to reject the girl they mess with, which they purposely and accidentally chose:

• "Umm... I'm just not feeling 'it' "
• "She reminds me of my Ex"
• "I don't think we could get along"

and some other 'smarter' excuses:

• "Because she's wearing highheels that makes her looks... Vulgar" 
• "I have a girlfriend" (which I could translate as "I am a huge douchebag!")
• "She's wearing white dress" the host ask why "Because... Because... It's easily stained and I don't like it!" (He scores 10 for my Dumbass-Peanut-Brained-Idiotic-Reason scale)

 I'm not making those up, so if you're still respect your own self and not really eager for getting laid and not having a "reasonable" excuses list before, please stop humiliate yourself by showing up in there, that way we could get rid of the show and less people regretting of how they wasted they life and make shame on themselves .

And The Rest

Are typical shows which I really can't tell what kind it is, because I know it only exists in Indonesia and I think we haven't invented the genre for it.

There's one show called Term*h*k-m*h*k (if you're Indonesian, you should've known what the hell is that), where the dumbos consists of (I suppose) 1 guy and 1 girl being a drama queens trying to bug into some person's life, which I suppose is a drama too, because they make the story so tears-squeezing-dramatic (only affects low taste people, not me) and make the conflict unbelievably... unbelievable. The client (person whose life been made fuss of) should have a serious issue about his family, relationship, or whatever occur to him/her (mostly her) that the nosy dickballs (read: the 1 guy & 1 girl) will help him/her to get through that and solve his/her problem. I don't know whether the person they're helping request them to help or not, it doesn't matter, even when we don't give shit about who they are, it'll shouldn't be a pain in the arse having 2 'being' accompany us and helping us to knowing the truth whatsoever.


The story always go crazier than expected, I'll give an example of what I watched:

The client(girl) lost her best friend and know something fishy going on her friend with her partner's relationship, because of 'battle' scars on the friend. She (plus two become they) follow the friend and spy on her. Then when there's a chance, they sneak in her house and find a lot of inappropriate-stuffs-for-people-to-do-on-bed. When they found out the shocking truth and going out of the house after taking pictures of the inappropriate-stuffs-for-people-to-do-on-bed, the friend came and start freaked out and being crazy chick knowing people sneak in her room, the client then start to explain and wanting her to break up with her partner because of what he did that harm her, but the friend got angry and start saying stuffs like "who the hell do you think you are?", and "mind your own business &^$@*#!!". Finally the client failed at taking her back and there comes 1 more shocking truth, it turns out that the client was lesbian lover of her friend and wanted her to go back by doing whatever she could to ruin her relationship, that's what she said and recorded and shown on TV. Then finally we got to see the client walking alone with sad face with sepia effect, so ironic...

Then the nosy guys (or additional random person) get the chance to end the show by talking wisely about how we don't screw our life depending on what task they done.


And one more show, this show starring a guy from love and dating show, which tends to broke people's relationship by provoking the victim into a cheater. The most douchey and annoying guy that people hate the most, suddenly become host of 1 show which he suddenly could hypnotize person. He goes to crowded places and show off in front of many people, choose a person 'randomly', make him/her sit, then perform miracle. Typical hypnotize, the person sit, close the eyes, drooping, and answer questions. Well, it should be obvious that this is a total bullshit, the person being hypnotized could say stuffs like "uuuhhh.." "mmm..." "I think..." "ngghh.. maybe.." when questioned, yet sometimes, they take a peek. I don't know if the cameramen or the clip editor being stupid, why showing a scene which ensure people who watch the show that it's fake? This is the most ridiculous show in entire earth.


And that's all I could tell about how horrible the Indonesian TV show is, if you're not Indonesian and came by to Indonesia, I suggest you to never watch TV shows here, just put on some DVD or playing computer games, it's wayyyy worthed than wasting your time in front of TV then put bleacher on your violated eyeballs afterwards.

How Indonesian Movies Screw Our Brains

Indonesian has quite an experience in "state affairs". In fact, born in 1945, we should have developed as any other countries, but not in Movie Industry.

There is several types of shows I would discuss.

Theater Movies

Indonesian have a lot of movie genres, But I only write the most ridiculous popular ones.

Teenage Romance

This type tells the teenage lifestyle which include school life, shy relationship, friendship and betrayal, teenage love, plus loads of crap

The story usually about girl as the main character, who fall or will fall in love with the most popular boy in school, the girl always pictured as average girl (which of course to the popular ones, it's below standard), maybe a bit geeky, clumsy, funny, also fulfill criteria for any Indonesian girls to slip in and take over her place.
First the girl should act like she doesn't care and put no slightest interest to the boy, then as time goes and we put cliche that makes us say "Yeah right..." brilliant twists in the story that finally they interested in each other, then the evil slutty gang of girls start to bully the girl (or maybe the girl caught the boy with some flirting bimbos), that make the the girl decided to stay away from the boy, after the misunderstanding they're back together and of course the lovey-dovey scene. End. Just like all girls manga should ended.


Semi-porn

This one is about the young lifestyle which maybe in country such as USA, it's common, but for us will be a BIG deal. First we have a bunch of pretty hot girls which meet Indonesian standard, then group consist about 3 guys, and supernumeraries playing the role of parents, friends, gardener, or whatever we could add to significantly degrade your intellectual, and brain power to make the movie worth watching.

We start from showing the girls in sexy wild scene, wearing swimsuit or lingerie, dancing randomly while laughing like little monkeys as the appetizer. Then the story starts by showing us the "lifestyle" such as freesex (this is the main idea, always), cigars, drugs, club, hookers, and so on forth. From there, the film director could tweak the storyline as they wish, maybe the girls and the guys would be paired, or the girls become hookers and finally they repent, or just one guy and one girl become the focus, the rest just keep having sex like crazy rabbits.

The moral of the story usually isn't so far from freesex, such as, don't do freesex, just have sex when you're married and with the person you marry, or beware of sexually transmitted disease, which is far far away from what people get after watch the movie, because mostly they only show how "good" freesex is. Educational much?

Horror

Oh yeah, Indonesian loves horror movies, I just don't get people who go to cinema, queue, pay for the ticket, waited until the movie starts, just to have themselves being scared. Anyway, horror movie in Indonesia is quite horrifying, I mean it, I could never stand the movie until the end without walk out of the cinema or doing something else. I don't know whether it's boring, or cliche, or actually scary, I never like horror movies, especially Indonesians.


Then the example:first, choose the ghost's name, maybe Pocong (Indonesian scary 'being' wrapped in white cloth which ridiculously resembles candy), Kuntilanak (Indonesian ghost with typical long hair and white robe, laughing and of course scary face), Headless ghost, Armless Ghost, Virgin Ghost seek for revenge, or (put the place it haunted) (put the occupation) Ghost (add the cause of death). Then we got a bunch of brave imbeciles guys and girls, usually youngsters, consists maybe about 6 person, then the story goes by until the group reach the haunted place, there they do stuffs that maybe violate the rules or make the ghost angry whatsoever then the ghost start to freak the shit out of them, they die one by one and when it's only few left (preferably a couple with angelic faces) finally get over it and keep the ghost under control, live happily ever after, it sucks that I feel like choking the crap out of the director.


Semi-porn + Horror + Comedy

Here comes, the ultimate abomination of movie franchise, imagine put your hands into rotten cow carcass, plus a photo of your principal's face when taking dump, plus hearing William Hung complete album's noise in max volume, plus finding a super slow walking squadron of annoying teenage girls laughing obnoxiously in front of you when going to the cinema that you can't pass through them and just waited until you reach the place and sit then watch your favorite movie while person beside you mumbling how the story goes. Yeah, that's how bad it is.

The movie shows people having sex, people dying, people forced laughs, low budget special effects, wrong timing banging noise, fake thunderbolts, and cheapskate Halloween costumes. The movie starts by showing us teaser in form of pretty hot sexy ladies exploit themselves, then continue with a filthy ghost scaring person-who-destined-to-die in the movie, then a group of lamebrained people and cheesy jokes from puny comedians, no matter how lame and un-logical the story is, the show must go on.

the director could easily change the scene, from the ghost, into funny jokes, continue with sex scene, even mix them, ghost that disguised into pretty girl then have sex, pretty girls telling better jokes than the comedians, even the ghost could be the joke. If you're strong enough to watch the movie until the end, I bet you will regret so much that you should start thinking about your future, repent and remorse for your sins and be grateful how beautiful your life is for not having role in such movie.



This is how Indonesian Theater vanish all our dreams, insult our moral, step on our intelligence and rape our soul. They can make a romance that makes you cry in despair, a horror that makes you laugh excruciatingly, and a comedy that makes you sleepy and gives you nightmare.

Stuffs that (you think) is Cool to do in Facebook Which is NOT!

Inspiration and references from:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/facebook_suck << this guy's awesome.

I'll call the person doing these stuffs "Facebook Retard".

Spilling Tantrum Without Name on Your Status

I'm certain that every single of you ever met this kinda people on facebook, they're the kinda guys who always being backstabbing bitch broadcast what happened to them that involved someone and they would expose every goddamn little things that someone do to him/her, well without telling you who the person is.

• Ex: "Fuck that girl, I've done so much for you, yet you're being such a [mock]!! You know what?! I don't need you, I really don't! So get the hell outta here you [exaggerating adjective] [two or three childish mocks]!! You backstabber [mock]!!"

and what's more annoying?

His/her friends start being busy body concerning about the status and comment such as:

• "Aww, you poor guy/girl, be patient, you still have me" (well you don't know if you'll be the next victim)

or

• "Who is that girl?! she must be a fucking ugly whore with a face of wraith!"

then the Facebook Retard replies:

• "Thanks, I'm so glad having you here. Well, you know who I mean..." which is they don't.

or

• "Yeah, she is, she's dumb ugly whore that even a hideous old pervert won't try to grope her even she's dancing naked selling nickels, well, i won't say the name, she's a total slut."
  

then it'll be a never ending cycle of asking who's the bitch and answering without giving any hint of who the bitch is.

I only see these happening like EVERYDAY! I always think what these people are up into? Spilling the beans without actually spill the beans?! I was like "Oh, not again, you said backstabber? what do you call yourself then? Backstabber's backstabber?!" Okay it's getting complicated.

If you want to make the person feel bad or sorry or hate you even more, why don't you just say the name?!
Ex:

• (in a dramatic way) "Jake, you're such a pity, look at your shitty face and twilight-heartthrob-wannabe-hair, you're not good, not even close. I'll tell you what you can do, NOTHING! So just go and get a life!"

• (in to-the-point way) "YOU'RE A FUCKING SHITHOLE JAKE, FUCK YOU AND FUCK WHOLE OF YOUR FAMILY!"

no offense for Jake(s) out there *cheers*

Too Up-To-Date Status Updater

This Facebook Retard is the kind of person who writes crap updates status everytime, they make fuss write everything they could think of, where they are, what they're doing, who is involved, what happened to them, to their friends, to their pets, what they got, what they don't get, how they feel, etcetera.

Ex:

• "I'm at Starbucks drinking soy milk"
• "@KFC with the Colonel "
• "Burger King-ing" (yeah they could make every noun become a verb)
• "I saw a rainbow!!"
• "On Facebook"(seriously, I DO SEE THIS)

I ever saw a person update her status 7 times, all contains where she's at and who is with her, 7 of them are in same particular place! (I'm not lying, Facebook should've ban her for status spam)

And the Game-Updater. They keep on telling people they don't have a life posting every single progress of games they're playing:
Ex:

• "Frap Farter has reached lv 6 and become a Crippled Kungfu Gramps in Martial Arts Saga."
• "Frap Farter spent $10000 and obtained title Money Waster Harlot in Barbie World."
• "Frap Farter failed the level-up quest because he sucks in (put a word here) Wars."

To be honest, I did the same, but I don't do that so often. Okay if you want to tell people what game are you playing and show how good are you, but please stop posting every freaking little development of what you play, it's not cool and none of your normal friends would be amazed if you doing it too much!
 

Quoter

This one is not so annoying, but sometimes, you just can't let them being surrounded by fools-easy-to-be-amazed their friends who thought they make the status by their own, which is they don't. Usually it contains lovey-dovey material or philosophic words.
Ex:

• "When you are in love, you want to express your emotions eloquently. In our fast-paced life, we need our messages to be concise yet effective."http://quotations.about.com/od/shortquotes/The_Long_List_of_Short_Quotes.htm

• "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." ~Elwyn Brooks White

Some people even could translate quotes into their own words (maybe to get rid of chance of quoting accusation) 


Ex:

• "Life is simple, but it's just not easy" ~Author Unknown

BECOMES

• "It's not easy even just to run a simple life"

or

• "Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night" ~Marion Howard

BECOMES

• "Blanket that's too short is like our lives, if you pull it then it will make blah blah shaking blah, but people who blarg... can pull blarh blarty blargh.."

Some of them are song quoters too, they find a new song, they love the song and start quoting the most recognizable beautiful part of the lyrics, then write it like it's happening to their own life.

People who recognize it usually just stay silent, comment about the song or who sang it, or continue the lyrics; while people who never heard of it will start questioning about what happened to the Facebook Retard or even compare their lives depends on what the lyrics talk about. When this happens, come the most sucky part, even for the Facebook Retard.

Telling People That Their Status is a QUOTE

Then all fools-easy-to-be-amazed their friends will just say things like "Oh, I see" then walks away.

Crazy Salesmen

This type of Facebook Retard is the one that making super annoying spams posts status related to their job, selling stuffs, or what they do for living. They write offers, packages, products information, bonuses, discounts, cell number, and contact information, IN FACEBOOK! Ex:

• "New Grand Shitara, available in black, white, silver, rainbow, fluorescent dull gray, and poop-smear brown color. With 0.01% discount! Order before 29th February and you will get one set of paperclip and post-it note! contact information, Dick Wieners 0-809-YOU-GONNA-REGRET, Hurry! The stock is limited!"

Well, if they do that only like once or twice, it's okay, how if there's new offers like 4 times a week? You gonna barf soon bro, soon...


What should I do when I see these kinda status?


My advice is..... Silent.
Don't ever, ever try to comment on this status, moreover ask about the products, they'll fucking terrorized the shit outta ya', as soon as they got you phone number, there will be no end of this, even if you cancel the purchase or suddenly just not interested anymore and refuse the offer, they will still looking for you, you can't hide unless you miraculously change into somebody else and never ever contact these bloody demons people anymore.

The Tag-a-holic

As the title, they are people who make everyone's name appears in every of their photo loves tag their friends in some of their photos. Well if you're in the photo and you're tagged, it's not so much of trouble even if your face look like godforsaken chimpanzee , but how if they keep tagging you in photos that not even related to you? If you're patient enough, maybe it'll be your limit when you see an ass with your name on it.

• "Awesome Disneyland"

• "Pretzels I bought from Ace-Hardware" 

• "Guys, look! I just dumped shit shaped like baby koala!"

Someday you might find your names on such captions...

Some of these taggers maybe are Crazy Salesmen too, if they're selling outfits, they will add random person with suitable age to their products and choose ones look fashionable enough in their profile picture to be tagged. If you don't wanna deal with this kinda problem, you better wearing garbage bag on your profile picture.

Game, Event, Group Requester

The type of Facebook Retards who tend to annoy us by giving worthless request notifications are so friendly that they sends us invitation even they don't have any idea really know who are you. These people maybe just sent from hell want us to share the fun with them. But the problem is, they don't know when to stop!

Ex:

• "(put a name here) invited you to play FarmPhile."
• "Howdy friend! Come be my friend in Pest Society, where you can meet your friends and grow pests!"
•  "! H4t3 f@Ceb0oK R3taRd5 h4 h4 h4, would you like to join this group? 'yes/no' "

You find these guys, 99 request notifications in no time, I dare you! I just hope God will send His angels to karate-chop these guys someday they could realize what they're doing isn't right and that we'll never response the requests, then stop annoy us.

The Sick Admirer

They are bunch of retards who really like to follow a certain person, watching their every activity, what they do, check out the latest photos, comment and like every status updates, comment on their photos, even photos and statuses where the person they're following commented according what the comment says and keep stalking like sonofabitch.
 Ex:

• Cool! I totally agree with that statement *Tons of less than threes*
• You really have a cute beautiful lips, love it!!
• Hahaha, exactly (person they follow's name)! Even I don't know and don't freakin care who she is, but yes she looks stunning on that red dress!

I don't know, maybe they want to get acknowledged or befriend of the person they follow. Yes, we people like having person care to comment or like our status/photos/etc. But, if the one doing that is the person we know. We'll get perplexed if some guy recently add us suddenly talk like they know us for a long long time, and we can't do nothing about it, we reply by telling details or just say thanks, and they reply again, longer and deeper. 


How to deal with them??

SOFT WAY

• Ignore them
• say "Do I know you?"
• Block user/Report as spam

ROUGH WAY

• Remove from friendlist
• say "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
• Tell your friends to add him/her and swarm his/her wall with spams 

Good Luck! :) 
  

Having Lots of Siblings

Yeah, in Facebook, you could make some guy's name appear in your Facebook page and make them feel stupid for accepting your request request some person in you friendlist to be one of you siblings, well if you don't know what that means, siblings means 'people who share at least one parent', not 'person in my friendlist who maybe accept my sibling request'.

• "They are my best friends, of course I consider them as my siblings!"

Yeah, maybe it's true, but only happens to you, I wonder if your mom see your sibling list and start thinking "I don't remember shit all these kids outta my womb?".

• "I just do it because I want people to see me having a lot of best friends."

Congratulations, you're one step closer being an douche.

• "I don't care, it looks great, why do you care?!"

Go to hell.

I'm not saying you can't have siblings in your Facebook page, you could do it, but please, make the limit, maybe you should try just make it around 10 and remove one when there comes another one worth being your sibling. I believe that normal Facebook user won't impressed seeing you having dozens of siblings. To us, they're "retarded dumbasses", to them, it's "common sense".